Thursday, July 14, 2005

Mother Nature to Floridians: "Get the Fuck Out!"

I know the sunny state of Florida is revered by millions of people. It's a prime vacation destination. The women and beaches are (usually) gorgeous. The Daytona Int'l Speedway is one of the most amazing places on the planet. And the cost of living is (relatively speaking) cheaper than, say, New England. But I hate the place.

The reasons are many. First of all, turn on the news any given wek, and something horrific or mindboggling comes from Florida. A child molester kidnaps a little girl and kills her? Got it. Religious extremists trampling on someone's rights? Check. Voter fraud? Yep. Politicians pressing the state to water trees with holy water? Yes, even that.

The biggest news of all, however, are the hurricanes. I love them. Unless you've been in a coma, you know the Sunshine State has been hit with 5 major hurricanes in the last 12 months. Damage is estimated in the tens of billions of dollars. But, you know what everyone is doing down there? Rebuilding. Over and over again. In fact, according to a 60 Minutes report a few months ago, 1,000 per DAY are moving into Florida. It's now one of the most populous states in the country. Whenever I visit Florida, I'm dismayed by what I see. Not only is traffic horrendous, but there is ENDLESS development going on. Nevermind the fact that most of the state is or used to be a swamp. In many places you absolutely cannot leave the house unprotected because of the ferocious insects that inhabit the place. But people keep building and building and building. What was once a gorgeous, naural place is now the epitome of what's wrong with this country. Overdevelopment, strip malls, junk food paradises, ad nauseum. Take a visit to Orlando and see how disgusting it really is down there.

Florida has become THE prime destination for criminals. Hey, why not? As a Florida columnist said, would you rather steal cars in Detroit all year or Miami? Given the spate of child killings there this year, it's also apparently a not-so-retired retirement comunity for pedophiles.

Anyway, back on topic. I'm hoping Mother Nature is sending the idiots of Florida a message: "Get the fuck out of this state, morons." It's becoming more evident that people should not overdevelop shorelines and prime wetlands. There SHOULD be a limit to how much people can bulldoze to spring up yet another 300 home housing development. Insurance companies are beginning to get smart on this. Many people can no longer get housing, or at least hurricane, insurance there anymore. I hope that trend continues. Florida now represents most of what's gone wrong with our culture and some force is finally starting to slap people in the face. Want to ruin this place? You'll pay.

So, here's to more and more destructive hurricanes in Florida. Hopefully, people will get the message and go somewhere else. Maybe to Mexico or Utah.


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